How to Speak Romance Like a Zoomer: 51 Niche Terms for Romance, Sex and Questionable Conduct

This period represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your choice to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that immediately kill any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {