Those Words given by My Father That Helped Me as a First-Time Parent

"I think I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth quickly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You're not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a display of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, changed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."